No, not the whole damn thing. That would take too long and be far too boring. I was thinking of the Social Distortion song with the title. However, a more appropriate Social D song would be “Bad Luck”.

The reason for this? I’ve fallen into a relationship pattern that I just can’t break out of. I’ll use the latest as my example here.

Preliminary stuff: Steve meets girl. Girl is attractive and intelligent (yes, I like to be challenged by smart women). Steve asks girl out. Surprisingly, she says “yes.”

Date #1: A drink for Happy Hour, then dinner. Date goes well; second date earned.

Date #2: Post-dinner outing. Meet for a few drinks, then go grab a little dessert. Girl drops minor bombshell (more like “potential baggage alert”) that she was divorced. Slight buzz dulls Steve’s reaction to this, tries not to think about it too much.

Date #3: An afternoon at the Zoo. A fun day all around, no problems.

Date #4: Meet her for a little outdoor jazz, then grab a light dinner. “We need to talk.” Oh, shit, here it comes. “I’m not ready to date right now.” Those might not be her exact words, but that was the sentiment nonetheless. Steve contemplates changing his name to “Nice Guy But”, as in the phrase “You’re a nice guy, but …”

Quasi-date #5: We’ve drifted from real dates to quasi-dates (see #4, above). Dinner and a movie. Good dinner, bad movie. During the post-movie conversation, Steve goes for relationship hara-kiri by asking the question: Is it the timing that you’re not ready to date, or is it me? I think by now you already know what the answer is going to be: “It’s the timing and you.” Blam!

This is the pattern I’m in. I’d give all this up and become a monk, but that involves poverty and religion. I also apologize for the above story in the third person; couldn’t help it.