Yeah, that’s right – I’m fed up with all this Live 8 crap being force-fed to us by the local media (although I will be freeloading off them for the substance of this rant). I am also glad that I will be leaving for vacation early Saturday morning (so early, that it falls into the time of day my sister calls “the crack of ass”). Everyone I have spoken to that lives in Center City is going to be staying indoors or getting the hell out of Philadelphia. It seems that the only people who are truly interested in this concert are the people who stand to make money off of it. So much for the idea of a “charity” event.
Which brings up an interesting point: just how many homeless people are going to be “relocated” from the Parkway environs to present a better image of the city to the concert-goers? Why not do something for them? Maybe Tom Ferrick was onto something with his column.
Anyway, what really got me going on this rant was an article in this morning’s Philadelphia Inquirer about the goody bags that are going to be handed out to the “celebrities” in attendance. (I’ll use the term loosely and in quotes the first time, since I imagine some C-list freeloaders will show up.) The celebrities who attend will get bags with about $3,000 worth of stuff in them. The people who actually get up on stage and perform (from looking at a tentative broadcast lineup, that will be about 15 minutes) will get bags with about $12,000 worth of stuff in them. Again, this is supposed to be a charity event!!! Though if I had to listen to Toby Keith for 15 minutes, I’d want some free shit, too.
The following specific points just pushed me over the edge:
- The PR firm putting the goody bags together believes that they are performing a “pro bono” service. (At least, that was the wording in the article.) So I don’t know who has their head farther up their ass – the PR firm or the writer. “Pro bono” means services that are performed for free for the public good. Where the fuck is the “public good” in assembling goody bags for famous people?!? They’re doing the work for free, not “pro bono”. Get a dictionary to whoever screwed that up.
- The whole concept of having to bribe celebrities to attend a charity event. As if the added media exposure of just showing up wasn’t payment enough. I imagine some people will show just because they haven’t been seen in public in a few minutes, or their own handlers think it’s a “good idea” to be associated with a charity event. Side note to Jack Nicholson: you may be a bad-ass, but you’re still a Lakers fan. Don’t be surprised if they boo you.
How to rectify this? Here are a few ideas:
- Refuse to accept the goody bags. But that won’t happen. Everyone likes free stuff.
- How about making a charitable donation equal to the dollar value of the stuff in the goody bag? It doesn’t matter what charity, really. Any charity will do. Especially since the Live 8 organizers don’t have one.
- Auction off the goody bags on eBay and donate the proceeds to charity. Hell, autograph a few of the things in there. That’ll drive the price up even more.
If you get bored, play the Live 8 Drinking Game Or watch the Tour de France.
Happy Fourth! Do the truly American thing on the holiday: grill meat, drink lots of alcohol, and blow stuff up (preferably fireworks).
