E-mail to Ken Lay

To: Ken Lay (ken@enron.com)
From: Saint Peter (saint.peter@pearlygates.org)
Re: Your death

Ken:

Word travels quickly nowadays (see, for example, this Houston Chronicle story, and hopefully you will receive this message before it's too late to pack your Earthly possessions. Hint: pack asbestos underwear.

Normally, we here at PearlyGates do not pre-judge people, but since your sentencing was not going to be for another couple of months, you leave us with no choice. (See this article with some folks discussing justice in regards to you.)

Unlike your mortal days, we will not hide the truth: you're going to Hell®. While in Hell®, for every penny of shareholder value you destroyed, you skin will be peeled from your body and then you will be dipped in rock salt. And when you've reached the target amount, they'll start all over again. I've heard that's rather painful.

Kindly report on time, or we will be forced to collect you. I can assure you that the latter will not be pleasant.

Regards,

Saint Peter